Thursday, October 8, 2009

It Ain't Easy Being Proud

I could easily attribute the paucity of posts I’ve made since I started this blog to procrastination. But I must admit that I’ve been having a hard time being proud. Yesterday, for example, I ran out of gas, this time on a major highway, with children in the car. Luckily, this time it was at the top of hill, going down, as opposed to last month, when I was in the middle of a steep hill, going up.

The number of bad situations I’ve been in as a result of my procrastinations and the list of what I didn’t do this summer is mind-boggling, so I’m ashamed to say, that I may have fallen off the proud procrastination wagon, hard. The self-flogging spiraled out of control on the first day of school as I watched my daughter get on the bus in ripped up jeans and chlorine-damaged hair that hadn’t been cut since last winter; I just thought to myself what a loser I am because I can’t manage to get my daughter’s haircut or keep up my garden or clean out my basement or garage or closet or paint my deck. I try to justify these failures (I shouldn’t paint the deck until we get a French drain installed, and I can’t do that until I clean out my basement and have a yard sale so I can pay for it, but I can’t clean out my basement, until I clean out my closet because I can’t find any of my clothes that I fit in but if could just lose 15 pounds instead I could wear storage and dump my whole closet…..etc.)

But this morning, after I finally made it down to the river for a short run, I first started to lament at how lame this exercise attempt was; only 25 minutes before I had to get back and wake up sleeping beauty. But then the sun came up and I screamed at myself to stop it – I’m out jogging as the sun is coming up – so I’ll run 2 miles instead of 3 – I’m here and I’m proud of it. And I started thinking about the real reason why I didn’t do anything I intended this summer; my job has been kicking my butt. It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault (since Robin Williams isn’t around to cure me, I’m doing it myself). I'm keeping my head up (and carrying a gas can in my car).

4 comments:

  1. paucity of posts :-) I like your blog you should post in a more timely reg.....oh um never mind

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  2. I can't I have a dearth of decidedly interesting things to say

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  3. Absolutely, PP. I'm always impressed that you exercise so regularly- and get up earlier in the morning to do it. We've only got two speeds in the morning: slow and slower. It would take me hours to run a mile.

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